Monday, August 4, 2014

Stay-At-Home-Mom

Well…it is official. I am now a stay-at-home-mom. I am scared, but mostly excited about this next chapter in our lives. If you had asked me a few years ago if I would ever be a stay-at-home-mom, I would have answered with a resounding “NO!” But becoming a mother changes you in ways you never thought were possible. My priorities no longer focused around a career and money, instead all I cared about was finding a way to be home with my kids.

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When Hazel was born the urge to be home full time was overwhelming. I was barely doing a satisfactory job raising one child and working full time…how in the heck was I could to do this with two kids?! So when the 12 weeks magically (at least it seemed like that) were over, I was in no way ready to go back to work. Not now, not in a few more weeks or a few more months. Did I really want to watch my children grow up in the hour I spent with them in the morning rushing to get ready for work or the few hours in the evening when I was making dinner and taking care of the house? They were going to only get the worst of me. The hurried and stressed Hailey.

I made the hardest decision of my life and quit my job. The choice to stay home was easy….the choice to walk away from seven years at a company with co-workers I truly care about was heart wrenching.  I was so conflicted. Were they going to hate me for leaving? Could we afford it? Could I handle full time parenthood with little to zero breaks? It honestly took the whole 12 weeks of maternity leave to get up the nerve and guts to do it. I was so wishy washy and continued to doubt that it was the best decision…even though I knew deep down it was.

Luckily, I had a lot of other stay-at-home-moms to confide in and seek guidance from. Every single one of them told me the same thing…choosing to stay home with their kids was the best decision they have made. They told me it was hard…REALLY hard some days…but it was worth it…incredibly worth it.

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Yes…I am scared.

Scared that I won’t be a very good mom….and the kids will get bored with me.

Scared that we will not manage our money well and be screwed.

Scared that I will miss working in an office around other adults.

But being scared has never held me back from BIG  life choices before. It was scary to go to college, to travel to Europe on my own, to plan my brother’s funeral, to get married, to buy a house….to decide to have kids! I have made scary decisions before. Being scared and uncomfortable is what makes us grow and evolve. If I never did anything that pushed, or challenged me…life would be pretty boring. So I am embracing the scared and learning how to live this new normal…Stay-at-Home-Mom!

p.s. this status change also brings with it some other BIG changes I haven’t discussed yet.

Stay tuned…

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